My hormones again !

Surprisingly though I knew it was hormonal issue yet I choose to abide in it. So I thought I am just attention seeking that's all:) I really thank God to have the gift of self control. I thank God that I did not throw everything out to that one but to myself only. Cause I already regretted my previous comment. Never knew what would have happen if I did not kept just to myself but the one. Things can be just irreversible :) phew~~ :p

Happy

Happy to see him. Happy to hear those words from him. Happy to feel how he tried his best to be better. Happy that I did not pushed myself to the end. :)

Whatever it is the slogan now is to enjoy the moment because you never know how long it last till :)

Thoughts

由史至终我只是填满你缺口的那一位。

鱼旅行的意义

If you know what i mean:)
Kind of anticipated for the msg to come, kind of wanted to feel wanted by the little act done, kind of waiting for something to happen, kind of believing that all that was said is true, kind of disappointed, kind of unhappy, kind of down, kind of unbelieveable, kind of stupid, kind of foolish, kind of just what i thought. :)
After all i've already learnt not to be into it. it shouldn't affect and wouldn't affect.

随着冷的湿的心腐化
带不走的丢不掉的让大雨侵蚀吧
让他推向我在边界奋不顾身针扎
如果有一个世界混浊的不像话
我会疯狂的爱上

It has never been. What a hard truth that struck right through my inner being.
This part of me will never be shown to you.
Has always been and will continue be.

Shldnt have

I shld have insisted going home myself . Feeling of let down just came upon me again. How long shld this agony last ? Would it be better even ?? My goodness !

Good about me

1 thing good about me:
I will not say anything when I am really angry or upset. ^no one will know and ^no one shall know.

Totally!

Give up.. All up... ^no surprise at all... It's feel so bad when you turn around and realize ^no one is there... I am strong enough actually... Wipe off my tears my life still goes on... ^no one is indispensable in my life... I am just good at self healing and self sustaining in time like this. Not at all surprise , though upset and thought that it would be better when I turn around I would see someone there:) oh well~

One of those days

It just one of those days that even when I am alone I doesn't want anybody to talk to me

As far as i am concerned

AFAIMC .. Somehow I do know that this can nv be. Too much indifferences. I cant help but give up my initial thoughts. Thereafter what will be my stand ? I ponder and ponder and I came to my conclusion ! Fling level then. ^no commitment but being there as company for each other. ^no expectation shld be expected here. My life is still mine same goes for him. How far? How long ? Will not be of any issue anymore. That's settles all!.

F my life!

I am just a total pack of lies. Such a wretch! This is the worst part of my life! What have i become? Oh my! have i not have plan for a future? I needed to be focus in life again! Totally no mood or whatsoever for work and studies not mentioning even work @ church! I just screwed my life totally! Covering myself up with beautiful fake feathers to hide my ineffeciency and laziness. Lies after lies! I had it enough of myself behaving that way. What a freaking irritating WRETCH i am. Oh Man! I am totally F-UP! hated this part of my life and this part of me! Right here right now RACHEL pls CHANGE!!

Ass hole!

I hate it this way totally!!!!! Angry angry angry

What's my problem!

Seriously what's wrong with me! I shouldnt have done it again and again! Reckless impulsive act! I am such a baddie! Faint !gonna be responsible for my act ^no matter what! :)

Got fired!

Oh well~ expected :)! Though lost a tut case but I felt better :) less stress and better focus on my studies wee~

Mid term

Feel so so so so lack of motivation ... Chee...~

New day

So awesome to be in the hse of God:)! Love the presence even b4 svc starts. Can't imagine how awesome the 1st svc will be:)

What a day

Seriously it is super demoralizing to hear about it. It totally come crashing on me. I admit it already destroy all the self confident and self image. Felt so 不争气！oh yea I am affected~ trying to use ACN to let out my anger, oh well what a silly method.

Dissapointed

This is not the kind of feeling I am looking for ! Disappointed !

What's wrong with me!

Can't stop eating !!

Lazy sunday! 11march

Lazy Sunday spent with b! Had morning breaky @ Mac. Shared a deluxe meal with him. So sweet :) went home tgt , bought vcd tgt , laz around tgt and what more sleep Hahhaha.... Loving it! Dinner had kfc, Movies with chips! These are all my cravings! Fulfilled it all at once. Awesomeness spelled as love!

Lazy lazy bones

Feeling lazy ! Tired not~ pls take away that lazy bone in me!

Angry ttm

I am just totally angry !! What kind of attitude and respond is that? Com on ! I am just not compromising! Getting on my nerve

Weird ~

So weird

2nd day of confession

3things I am determine about now! God knows!

16 feb

散场的拥抱！ felt so bad... Nv felt this way before... Missing feel ...

14feb

3roses received ! Sweet sweet sweet .. Best time ever

13 feb

Yet another historical moment he actually said "baby lov u" at 9.11pm thru whatsapp.. Haha...

Nightmares!

Rage rage rage! I am angry abt the incident. I am super affected . Can u just leave me alone !! Stop haunting me ! Ass !

1st Suprise for the he

Quite excited !! At the same time uneasy. Don't know how will he react :( will he appreciate? Wat if he don't ? Hopefully not ba... Will he like this kind of surprise ? I donno ^.-

Too much

Alittle too much for the day! Gonna avoid for lik 2 days

Conclusion

Just do it!!
Decided whatever it is I am gonna crazy once!!
Nothing to lose when I have nothing at all :)

Happy day

Had a great time with fei today . But I do felt guilty about that happiness I felt. I felt lik Adam throughout the day. Love it but yet I know I have let Him down :( I hope I didn't stumble anyone. Pls God may your grace be with me still . I love You Jesus. And still I am.

31 jan 2011

I did something unexpected today. Pray that God will forgive :)

OMG!

Last night I am totally out of mind!! Hahaha... Unexpected kisses! My goodness!! I must be crazy! Gosh!!!

Schizophrenic

I am waiting..... Maybe he wouldn't come maybe she isn't meant to be. But I am waiting. Probably one day I will see or it never be. I'm gonna place in all my faith for this hope. They worth! DD n GG

My future my dreams

I saw a glimpse of my future last night. My husband and my beautiful girl. A lovely family. The 1st time I met them but yet I felt so familiar. Is that my dejavu ? I seriously hope that it could be true. Prayed to God about that! I thank God for my future in advance !